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About Literature / Student Member Nicole... duh.Australia Group :iconbatmasterandfrosty: BatmasterAndFrosty
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Do I do things? No.
Do people want me to? No not really.
But I try anyways. This is where my newest stuff lies.

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so, if you do something i like, it will end up here, for me to browse through when i have no ideas left of my own :)

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Sorry guys, been hella busy with university work and stuff... i'll be back at it again soon i promise! :)
With every poster I remove, I feel part of my world shrinking.
With every goodbye plan I make, I feel part of my soul crumple.
With every item of clothing folded, I feel part of my brain revert to my past.
With every re-assurance that I will be back next year, I feel part of my throat choke up.
Because...
With every poster I remove, I remove part of what I am, what I claim to be, and what people know me as.
With every goodbye plan I make, I remove part of the other people who complete me, who may not be returning next year.
With every item of clothing folded, I remove part of my recovery, as I'm soon to return to the scene of the crimes that nearly destroyed me.
With every re-assurance that I will be back next year, I remove part of my deniability that I still want to die.
Nearly finished my first year of my bachelor degree. 3 assignments to go. WHAT. 
It's been a hectic year. Between moving 2 times, making (and losing) new friends, becoming a committee member (and practically second in charge) of a newly formed Media Club, concerts, assignments, volunteer film work, playing hockey, surgery, starting therapy and the countless trips back home, it's been a hell of a year. But within it, the people I've met and some that I even just had to merely reconnect with have provided the most amazing year I've ever had. I've come out of it with two of the best friends I've ever had (Alex and Breeghan, I'm staring very heavily at you) and (once again) some new room mates for next year (continues staring at Alex and Breeghan). 
This is the first time in my whole life that I'm content with how my life is going. About fucking time. 
I'm moving back to Grafton from October 26th till January 15th and I'm going to try to get my old job back for a few months to save up some extra money for next year, because things are starting to come together for that already. 
Hopefully, thanks to my wonderful media club's funding (kind of like a christmas present), my interview career will get a kick up the ass with a possible interview with Rise Against. If not, I'll still be attending their Australian shows when they're announced, providing they don't clash with Soundwave festival. This is a dream come true for me, as it allows me to get ahead in the career I want so badly. 
  • Mood: Sentimental
  • Listening to: Bye Bye Bye- Our Last Night ft Cody Carson
So those house plans fell through.
Still going to see Fall Out boy though. woooh
  • Mood: Gloomy
  • Listening to: Go To Hell, For Heavens Sake- Bring Me The Horizon
The paranoia tells you one thing you know to almost always be true.
Everything is a lie.
When you leave town, and start new, your past will always be there to haunt you. The paranoia brought on from anxiety, with the cure just a few weeks too late all of a sudden becomes real. You weren't imagining it. It was really happening. Everything begins to slowly crumble. The honeymoon period ends. You begin to realise who was your true friend from the beginning and who was just there because they had to be. You find out people were not who they said they were and people aren't who those people said they were either.
The boy who said he cares all of a sudden doesn't, as if at the drop of the hat your life is nothing to him. He thinks you're crazy. He won't tell you himself because he's worried you'll self harm. He doesn't speak to you for weeks because of it. He's a horrible person.
"Trust us." these girls say, "he told us himself".
You believe them. But the paranoia tells you the one thing you know to almost always be true.
Everything is a lie.
When you leave town and start new, you have to analyse a whole lot of new people. Things fall through the cracks. Remarks get made that you don't notice. You trust the wrong people. You make the wrong decisions, and the whole time, almost all of your thoughts are telling you this is the right thing, that these people are awesome and smart and kind and all around nothing you have ever experienced before.
The girls who are your best friends now are acting strange, slipping down a slow gradient. Comments. Conversations. Actions. They become troublesome. They hate the boy who cared now, because he noticed and withdrew before he became too involved. They hate everyone, but you. You tell yourself it's because you've changed.
You believe yourself. But the paranoia tells you one thing you know to almost always be true.
Everything is a lie.
When you leave town and start new, most of the people around you are doing the same thing. It's like this deadly dance of treading lightly around everyone. Someone has to make the cannonball and break the still water. So, to shut the paranoia out, you do it. You become a focal point for a bunch of new friendships. You meet people because of people you met. You meet people who just met the people you just met because of people you once met. Everything becomes an entangled web of friendship.
You finally contact the boy. Tell him you just want to be friends, but why in the hell is he not talking to you and why did he say those things? Why does he think you're crazy? Why does he think you'll hurt yourself?
"I never said that." he says, and others agree with him. Everyone but those girls.
"I was worried, but not for the reasons they told you." he says, and others agree with him. Everyone but those girls.
"I just didn't want to be brutal." he says, and others agree with him. Everyone but those girls.
You believe him. You believe the others. For once, you think truth outweighs your paranoia. But you can never be sure. Because there is still a sliver. The paranoia tells you one thing you know to almost always be true.
Everything is a lie.


But this time, you're willing to tell yourself that there is a truth.
Everything Is A Lie
I've been through a lot the last few weeks. Friendship shifts. Appointments. A lot has happened. Now I'm finally coming to terms with my part in it. I became like a child of divorce, two friendship groups fighting over me, using me as a lever for their cause and trying to get me on their side. Some things happened, true colours have been revealed and I think I know who I can trust now. 
Loading...
Nearly finished my first year of my bachelor degree. 3 assignments to go. WHAT. 
It's been a hectic year. Between moving 2 times, making (and losing) new friends, becoming a committee member (and practically second in charge) of a newly formed Media Club, concerts, assignments, volunteer film work, playing hockey, surgery, starting therapy and the countless trips back home, it's been a hell of a year. But within it, the people I've met and some that I even just had to merely reconnect with have provided the most amazing year I've ever had. I've come out of it with two of the best friends I've ever had (Alex and Breeghan, I'm staring very heavily at you) and (once again) some new room mates for next year (continues staring at Alex and Breeghan). 
This is the first time in my whole life that I'm content with how my life is going. About fucking time. 
I'm moving back to Grafton from October 26th till January 15th and I'm going to try to get my old job back for a few months to save up some extra money for next year, because things are starting to come together for that already. 
Hopefully, thanks to my wonderful media club's funding (kind of like a christmas present), my interview career will get a kick up the ass with a possible interview with Rise Against. If not, I'll still be attending their Australian shows when they're announced, providing they don't clash with Soundwave festival. This is a dream come true for me, as it allows me to get ahead in the career I want so badly. 
  • Mood: Sentimental
  • Listening to: Bye Bye Bye- Our Last Night ft Cody Carson

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NicoleMeAtParamore
Nicole... duh.
Artist | Student | Literature
Australia
This one time a teacher in Year 5 told me I had a gift and to use it so now I post crap on the internet...? Anyway, I'm pretty angry a lot and sometime writing helps with that so yeah, come check that out.

List of bands i love: nicolemeatparamore.deviantart.…
list of bands i have seen live nicolemeatparamore.deviantart.…

Twitter: @kawaiistringDTD
Youtube: www.youtube.com/user/piercethenicole
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:iconwanderersdaughter:
wanderersdaughter Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014
thanks so much for the fav! it means a lot to me! 5 seconds hug 
Reply
:iconnicolemeatparamore:
NicoleMeAtParamore Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Student Writer
not a problem :D
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:iconapsilpastille:
apsilpastille Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the Watch!!! :)
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:iconnicolemeatparamore:
NicoleMeAtParamore Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Student Writer
not a problem :)
Reply
:icontae-rai:
Tae-Rai Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, fuck, thumbs don't work in comments... Anyway, something you might like: [link]
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