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About Literature / Student Nicole... duh.Australia Group :iconbatmasterandfrosty: BatmasterAndFrosty
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Do I do things? No.
Do people want me to? No not really.
But I try anyways. This is where my newest stuff lies.

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so, if you do something i like, it will end up here, for me to browse through when i have no ideas left of my own :)


Journal History



"Thanks for this, Josh. I think best friend time is all I need right now. " I smiled, looking over at my best friend, finishing up the last of my ice cream. His blue eyes pierced me, and he raised one of his eyebrows quizzically.
"Is it? You looked like you were going to burst into tears the whole time." he stated, and I felt my meal shake in my stomach as if it didn’t want to be there anymore. Did I really look that upset? Am I really that messed up about this?
"I… did?" I questioned, and he stopped dead in his tracks to turn me around and grab both my arms.
"Hayley, there is no need to pretend to be fine around me. You loved the guy, and he fucked you up! Don't try and get over it too fast, or you'll just hurt yourself." he said, rubbing my arms.
Fuck, I’m gonna have to tell him, aren’t I?
"Its more than that, Josh… Before we went on tour, we decided… we were gonna get married. Just run off and have a cheesy as fuck elopement. Now I don’t get that." I cried, and he pulled me in. I felt his chin on top of my head, and his hand rubbing the back of my hair. I gripped his jacket as more sobs overcame me.
"If I saw his face right now, I’d throw a brick at him. I want to make him hurt as much as you are now." he whispered in my ear, and I half smiled through my tears.  
"Come on, lets get back to the bus before it gets any colder.” I sighed, pushing myself off his chest. We kept walking, and I shrank back into my own head, trying for the millionth time to answer the question that had been ringing in my head.
“I don’t know why this happened to m-“ I started, before I felt my foot plunge lower than ground level. A pothole, Hayley. Fucking hell.
I let out a little squeak as the rest of my body fell forward, and threw my other leg out so my face didn’t hit the concrete. I hit the ground harder than expected, and my leg jarred. I screamed louder, as I heard Josh yell out my name, doubling back the few steps he had in front of me.
“You dumbass.” He laughed, and I looked up from the ground, hoping to hurt him with my stare. He helped me back up, and the pain in the knee that hit the concrete hard was searing. I whimpered, and fell back down.
"Josh… my knee… I cant move it." I said, looking up at him. I expected him to lift me back up and help me hobble back to the bus. I felt his arms under the crook of my legs and across my back, and then cool air rushing past my face. Then I actually looked, and saw the ground far away.
Josh was carrying me. I huddled my face under his jacket, trying to forget the pain pulsing through my leg. Suddenly, Josh stopped walking.

“Fuck. Hold on Hayley, we’re gonna have to run.” He mumbled.

“Why, whats going on, Josh?” I asked, pulling my head out of his jacket to see a bunch of people with cameras. All along, someone had been taking photos of everything. I wasn’t sure if it was fans, or paparazzi, but all I knew is that none of this had come to light yet, and I sure as hell didn’t want the online storm to start now. My stomach began to boil again. I didn't need this. The van was a good 100 metres away, and I felt Josh’s body tense up as he took his first step.
"MAX! OPEN THE DOOR!" Josh roared, and I winced over how loud it was in my ears
We barreled through the crowd of cameras. Luckily, they all got out of the road before Josh could hit them with my body. The door flicked open as the boys figured out what was going on outside. He kept running till we got to the bus doors, jumping up the internal stairs as fast as possible. Josh, however, tripped over the last stair, and I went flying out of his arms. My body hit the floor, and I let out a little yelp as I began to roll a little bit. I felt another searing pain down my leg, and I swore under my breath. Chris and Matt jumped up from the front lounge to grab me, as Dan and Max walked over to check on Josh.
"Hayley, you ok?"  Matt asked, as Chris helped me up off the floor
"Yeah… I guess. My leg is fucked though.” I mumbled, looking over to the stairs as I heard a groan come from Josh.
"Shit, Josh!" I limped away from Chris, sliding to the floor where he lay, half on the stairs.
"Hay… fine." he smiled weakly, “Just winded myself.” Dan helped him off the floor, and over to his bunk. I limped over, intent on going to bed and sleeping off my leg pain.
"Are you ok, Joshie?" I asked, and he nodded, pulling himself into his bunk.
"That just effing hurt a lot, but don’t worry, I don’t think they got any clear photos, whoever they were.” He chuckled, poking his head back out of the bunk.
"Yeah. Small comforts, hey? Alright, get some sleep, Josh.” I smiled, and climbed into the bunk underneath him.
"Hayley?” I heard him ask. I poked my head back out to look at him.
“Yeah, man?”

“Umm… can you sleep up here tonight? I guess you could use some best friend cuddles after the last few days you’ve had.” He shrugged. I smiled, and clambered up out of my bunk and into his. We both wriggled around till we had covers and were comfortable. The bunk was filled with a comfortable silence as I felt Josh’s arm snake around me, and I felt the calmness of sleep wash over me along with it. Then, a question bubbled up in my half asleep state, and my brain filter couldn’t keep it out and it rushed forth from my lips.
"Josh. Have you ever been in love?" I asked.
"Yeah." he said, quietly.
"Who was it?" I whispered, wriggling around so I could see his face. He cracked open one eye to look at me.
"I'd rather you didn't know." he sighed.  His eyelid drooped back down. Now, I was curious and more awake.
"What did it feel like? To you, anyway?" He lifted both of his eyelids again to look at me.
"When you looked at that person, and all you feel is hope, passion. They’re your best friend, but they are also that something more, as if no matter what happens in life, you will always be there. Their arms around you feel more safe than a bomb shelter. Their breath on the back of your neck at night feels more calming than any summer breeze. Everything feels as it should when you look in their eyes. For a minute, nothing feels wrong.” He smiled, letting his eyes close again. My mind raced as I thought about how long I had known Josh, and how everything around him had felt. A sudden realization came to me as sleep threatened to overtake again. 

There is every possibility that the person Josh Franceschi had been in love with was me.
"Hayley, take me back."
"You will. You'll miss everything."
"No I won't."

I awoke quickly, and realized that I was on Josh's bus still. I didn't know where we were or what time it was, and my whole world spun, complete disorientation taking control of me. I didn't even know who was around me. I knew Josh was somewhere on the bus, but other than that, I could only assume the rest of You Me At Six were around. I looked around my settings, trying to gauge what time of day it was. Judging by the faint lights coming through the curtains that separated me from the rest of the world, I guessed it was daytime. Even though, after years of touring, I knew lights outside your bunk could be deceiving.
I didn't have time to dwell on the matter as I remembered why I was there and a huge wave of nausea hit me. I wrenched open my bunk curtains and rolled out as fast as I could, the bus floor cold under my feet.  I ran from my bunk to the bathroom, only to find the door locked. I knocked as hard as I could, and the lock snapped. I took this as my lucky sign and ripped the door open, sliding onto the floor next to the toilet. My body heaved but there was nothing to throw up. I rested my head against the side of the bowl, breathing deeply as the sickness passed… and heard a quick "ahem." I looked up from where I had sat, and saw Max Helyer climbing out of the bus shower, butt naked.
"Oh shit, sorry Max. It was kind of an emergency." I sighed, turning away from him.
"It's fine. Josh told us what happened. I'm so sorry." he sighed, and finished the little step he needed to climb out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around himself.
"Its cool, Maxie. I should have expected it." I mumbled, as he went to walk out of the room.
"Cop a good enough look?" he laughed, and I felt my cheeks flare up and knew I had gone red.
Double awkward.
"Yeah. Yeah sure thing Max." I mumbled again, as the bathroom door closed.  The sudden silence stabbed my eardrums, and I noticed that I was once again alone. I felt my eyes sting with more tears, and my upper body felt heavy. I shifted onto the floor in a fetal position, sobs wrenching out of my chest. I still didn't know what time of day it was, and the disorientation was even more daunting. All I knew was:
1. You Me At Six had picked me up.
2. They took me away from my cheating boyfriend.
3. They were on tour somewhere.
4. I was bawling my eyes out in their bathroom
Eventually, I heard the plastic door creak open. I felt the footfalls vibrate through the floor. Someone was in here.
"Josh knew you were in here, sent me back in to check on you." I heard Max sigh, as the door closed behind him.
"Maxie, tell me, how many days have I been asleep?" I asked, slowing my tears down to a little sniffle. He chuckled, and slid down against the wall, sprawling throughout the leftover space in the room.
"Know the feeling, its kind of like jet lag. Its 5 pm on Wednesday night, you've been asleep for 3 days. We all let you sleep. We know how you get when you get sad. I was like it for a few days when Lolia got a job in Tennessee." he chuckled slightly. I sucked a sharp breath in at the mention of the name Lolia, her image still burnt bright into the back of my mind. So much better... so much better...
"Yeah." I sighed, propping myself up off the floor. "I kinda owe you guys a lot now."
"Yeah... Look, Hayley, I don't know why he did this to you. Such an amazing, caring girl like you who has been through so much already doesn't deserve this." he sighed, climbing up off the floor.
"I don't know why he did it either." I whispered to myself as Max left the room. What's wrong with me? Why did he cheat on me?  What did I ever do? What is the world’s problem with me?
I felt the bus finally shudder to a halt, and I pushed myself off the floor. Were we at the next stop, I assumed. I climbed off the floor, my muscles aching in protest. I grabbed the toilet to pull myself up. I walked out of the room, the whole bus looking foreign to me.
I moved up towards the lounge part, to notice no one was around. A slip of paper caught my eye, and I walked over to the table. Josh has left his phone along with a note for me.

Love, Josh.

I smiled at the note, thinking about how typical it is that Josh would speak to me like that while I was going through this. The more he treated me normally, the more I felt like I was. I meandered over to the bar fridge, finally noticing how hungry I was. The small selection of food almost turned me off it, but a muffin and coke zero would do for now. I moved to the table, bumping Josh's phone onto the floor by accident.
"Oh shit." I mumbled, reaching for it. I picked it up. It felt heavy in my hand, and I bumped the unlock button. I gasped in shock as I took in his wallpaper. I recognized the girl that Josh was hugging in the photo, but she looked so different to what she did now. She had red sunnies pushing her fringe out of here face. A black singlet, with "Operation Ivy" sprawled across it in white writing. Leopard spotted jeans with butterflies sewn roughly on the knees. It was all topped off with red converse all stars. Her hair was a brilliant blonde. Her eyes sparkled with happiness and her mouth carried the ghost of a laugh long gone. I stared at the girl for a moment longer, before feeling tears sting my eyes. I was so happy back then. Clueless, but happy. I wished I'd stayed that way. This was before I even had a clue of what Chad was doing behind my back and after everything that had happened in the past. I chucked the phone back onto the bench, and ate my muffin. The silence disturbed me as I chewed. The boys must have been playing a show. Once the food was gone, I found myself needing another distraction. I reached for Josh’s phone again, unlocking the screen and opening his music tab. I scrolled through his list.
“The 1975… Coldplay… Paramore… Oh shit, Paramore.” I hissed to myself. The band had no idea I had left town again. We had a break from touring and recording but still… I should have let them know. I relocked Josh’s phone, chucked it back on the table and sprinted for my bunk. I rummaged through the bunk, looking for my phone through the bed covers. I felt my hand touch it, and I curled my fingers around it, pulling it out from under my pillow. I unlocked the screen to see 15 missed calls from Chad, and 5 from Jeremy. I shuddered, removing the notifications from Chad. I dialed Jeremy’s number, and placed the phone to my ear.
“Hello?” I heard Jeremy say from the other end.
“Jerm, it’s Hayley.”
“Hayley? Jesus Christ, where are you? Chad came to my house looking for you! He was furious. Plus we didn’t fucking hear from you for three days”
“He was furious? Ha.” I snorted,
“What is going on? Come over.”
Oh shit.
“Can’t. I’m in… I don’t know… wait let me think about where we go on tour… umm… Oh shit, I didn’t grab any clothes before I…umm sorry Jeremy hang on… I’d say we’ve been through Georgia, maybe Florida… could be headed for Louisiana, to play a show in New Orleans in the next few hours. I can’t be sure though, I can’t find any of the guys. I think they’re playing a show…”
“WHAT? With who? What guys? Tour?”
“Umm… Josh picked me up from Chad’s place… and Max was in the bathroom. So I’m gonna guess I’m with You Me At Six.”
“Oh. At least you’re with decent people. People who know about everything.” He sighed. “Aright, I’ll let Taylor know where you are. Be careful, Hayley.”
“I will, Jerm. Bye bye. I’ll see you when this tours over and everything blows over in Tennessee.” I smiled, hanging up the phone. The bus rumbled to life again, meaning the boys were back. Time to go say hello.

"HAYLEY!" I heard Josh yell from the lounge, "YOU AWAKE YET?”
"Yeah, I am." I said normally walking back towards the lounge. I hadn't seen Dan, Chris or Matt yet, so they were excited enough to encompass me in a massive four-way bear hug.
"Hayley!” Matt exclaimed as they let me go, “It’s so good for you to be on tour! I mean, it’s shit how you got here… but like… yay!”
"Matt.” Josh snapped. Matt’s face fell as he was chastised.
“Josh, it’s fine. Jesus, Matt, it’s great to be on tour with you guys, man!”
“Yeah, this’ll be fun!” Chris smiled. Dan nodded quickly. I smiled widely, happy to be with so many good friends.
“God, you guys all smell like sweat and overused men’s deodorant. You can tell you just played a show.” I wrinkled up my nose, and the whole bus laughed.
"Have you eaten anything yet?" Josh asked; as the others headed for their bunks and the shower, ready to get out of their show clothes. I sat down in the chair next to him, looking directly at him.
"Yeah." I smiled, "I'm feeling a little better too... well as better as you can feel after having your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on. How'd the show go?"
"Eh, dead crowd. Something just isn’t connecting with the crowds and me at the moment. The last two shows have been the same…”
"Aww, can't work a crowd?" I giggled, punching his arm. His little smile left his face and he coughed.
"Not anymore. Had you on the brain. I was worried, leaving you on your own… with a bus full of sharp objects and various medications, in the state you’re in… I just didn’t want a repeat of what’s happened to you in the past, that’s all.”
"Hey come on, don't let me distract you from the job you have to do! I was fine. I don’t go to stuff like that anymore. I promise. Besides, he’s not worth killing myself over anyway" I smiled. Josh’s face lifted back to its usual smile, and he released a breath I’m sure he didn’t realize he was holding.
"So I bet you aren’t tired?" he asked.
"No, can't say I am." I said.
"Wanna go get some dinner? We can put off leaving a little while longer." He asked, pushing himself off the couch, “I just need to go get changed first.”
"Sure…" I said, jumping up after him, “By the way… I don’t have any clothes... Can I borrow some until I get the chance to go shopping?”
“Course, take anything of anyone’s.” He smiled, walking towards his bunk. I put on one of Matt's hoodies, which was lying around. It was the middle of winter, meaning it was a little cold out. Josh came back, grabbed my hand, and dragged me out of the bus.
“McD's?” he asked. I nodded vigorously.

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I unlocked the front door, about to yell out a triumphant call of "Honey, I'm home from tour!" before I stopped dead in my tracks. My mouth clamped itself back shut as I listened intently.
I felt sick.
I couldn't believe it.
This is something I would have rather kept in the dark, gone along with as if it didn't exist. I wouldn't care if I didn't know. But as it was, I did now. I walked up the stairs, hearing noises I had only heard in my childhood. My parents had covered it up, saying they were playing a hard match of Twister. Being older, and knowing more about the world then I did back then, I knew that bubbling feeling in my gut would lead to the worst. The worst, which was having sex with my fiancé behind that door. I stood at the door for a while, my breathing hitching. If I just walked away and came back later I could pretend it wasn't happening. I gripped the doorknob, my hands shaking.
"Are you really going to do this, Hayley?" I whispered to myself. It took a few seconds for my own question to register in my mind. I quickly buzzed off a text to my best friend, asking him to come get me as soon as he could, because shit was about to go down. I grabbed the doorknob once again, nodding to myself.  As I opened the door, neither person even noticed the creak, and my worst thoughts were confirmed.

He is cheating on me.

"Chad, whats going on? Who is that?" I asked, as calmy as possible. My insides were the complete opposite, boiling away as if they contained Vesuvius. Both their heads turned to the doorway, and I inwardly groaned when I saw the girl. Pretty baby blue eyes and long black hair which swirled around her body and onto the bed in tendrils. Her body seemed fluid, it all matched together. She was really pretty.
Yeah good work, Hayley. Compare yourself to the naked woman that's sleeping with your fiancé in your bed.
"Hayleyball, jesus you're home early… this is Lolia, the cleaning lady you hired before you left for tour." he smiled, and my stomach broiled even more.
"Nice to meet you." I said shortly, "Quick question though, why do you have my fiancé's dick in you?"
"Hayley, was that really appropriate?" Chad asked me, and I laughed.
"Says the one who couldn't even wait a month to get fucked. You could have just come seen me on tour."
"Hayley, can we talk about this in a more appropriate setting? Lolia is about to leave anyway." He mumbled, obviously embarrassed. Lolia sighed, climbing off him and sliding off the bed, almost gliding into the bathroom, which is where I guessed their sexual escapade started.  
"How about fuck no? Goodbye Chad." I snarled, and ran towards the door, slamming it behind me with great force. I hurtled towards the door, as all of the feelings finally came out of my stomach to the rest of my body. I collapsed through the front door, somehow rolling down my front stairs as tears began to fall and screams ripped their way through my throat. I made it to the pavement and sat, crossing my legs like a child and screaming into the mid-afternoon air.

So that's how Hayley Williams ended up on the street, crying.

That's how I met the man I would spend forever with, even if I already knew him.

Now by no means was I a weak human. I mean, I used to be, but I had gotten through that. This was just too much to take in a few short minutes. I was homeless, I was fiance-less, and other than the clothes I was wearing and what was packed from tour, I was clothe-less. I had nothing. I checked my phone, and found that Josh was on his way. Thank God. I needed to get out of there.

When you're upset, you don't notice things that don't matter. Your phone ringing, the rain falling, or the gigantic tour bus that pulls up. You do notice a person that means the world to you though, and when he arrived, I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse.
"Hayley? Come on, get off the footpath. You're fucking soaked." I heard him say. I didn't raise my head, any energy I did have was gone, washed away with the cocktail of rain and tears.
"He cheated on me." I choked. Next thing I knew he was on the ground too. His arms were around me, rubbing my back as my sobs renewed.
"Hayley, its ok. We knew this was coming. It's in his nature. You should know that." he whispered into my ear, holding me against his chest. I buried myself closer, as sobs worsened. I finally decided I felt worse, now that someone I cared about had arrived.
"I need to get out of here." I said, thickly through my tears. I tried to stand up, but my legs were too weak.  Josh immediatley was at my elbow, holding me up. I looked up at him, and he flashed me a small smile. My insides warmed slightly, my tears forgotten for a second. I then knew, in that moment, something was going to go horribly wrong, and it was going to be all my fault. We clambered onto the bus stairs, as best as we could when one was basically carrying the other.
"The spare bunk is yours, and you can be on tour for as long as you like. I'm in the one above you if you need anything. I'm gonna be honest, you look like you could use some sleep." he pointed, taking my one suitcase off me, and placing it in the front lounge.
"Thanks, Josh." I sighed, climbing into the bunk. I stared at the ceiling for a while, and tears began to silently fall, eventually dragging me into a deep, scary sleep.
When you reopen something and it reboots into a piece of fanfiction you're kind of proud of #TIATTisNOTNOW
I sit here, thinking that I can do this. I can handle only being your friend. Most days I can, and it's brilliant. To have someone so supportive by my side is something I have always wanted.
But part of me will never forget how I felt, how I feel. How I pined over you almost every day. How I loved to imagine what it would be like to be held by you at night. How it actually felt when that happened. I don't know if I do still feel that way about you at all. Some days I do, some days I don't.
However, let's be perfectly fucking honest here. You are my Clark Kent. You keep saving my life, almost every day. Some days, I am so fine with being your Pete. That doesn't bother me at all. Other days, I would move heaven and earth to be your Lana. To experience that cute first romance I've never got the chance to have. Then there is the days where I get really lost in thought, and I end up being your Lois. But I know it's all a dream, and when I boil everything down, there is only one character I will ever relate to, and ever be. I kow she gets her happy ending in the end but for now, I'm stuck in the worst part of it along with her.
You're my Clark.
I'm your fucking Chloe.
Yeah, I'm taking ANOTHER crack at Youtube.
Going back on my antidepressants has boosted my motivation levels and seeing as I am on uni break I feel I need to do SOMETHING with my time. So if you could all go to and subscribe, and watch a couple of my old vids in prep for new ones, I would be happy as fucking Larry.
  • Mood: Hope
  • Listening to: We Don't Believe Whats On Tv- Twenty One Pilots
  • Watching: RuPauls Drag Race (TEAM VIOLET FOREVER)


NicoleMeAtParamore's Profile Picture
Nicole... duh.
Artist | Student | Literature
This one time a teacher in Year 5 told me I had a gift and to use it so now I post crap on the internet...? Anyway, I'm pretty angry a lot and sometime writing helps with that so yeah, come check that out.

List of bands i love: nicolemeatparamore.deviantart.…
list of bands i have seen live nicolemeatparamore.deviantart.…

Twitter: @kawaiistringDTD
Kik: SleepingWithArcee

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Add a Comment:
wanderersdaughter Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014
thanks so much for the fav! it means a lot to me! 5 seconds hug 
NicoleMeAtParamore Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Student Writer
not a problem :D
apsilpastille Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the Watch!!! :)
NicoleMeAtParamore Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2013  Student Writer
not a problem :)
Tae-Rai Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, fuck, thumbs don't work in comments... Anyway, something you might like: [link]
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