Not Now: Chapter 3

"Thanks for this, Josh. I think best friend time is all I need right now. " I smiled, looking over at my best friend, finishing up the last of my ice cream. His blue eyes pierced me, and he raised one of his eyebrows quizzically.
"Is it? You looked like you were going to burst into tears the whole time." he stated, and I felt my meal shake in my stomach as if it didn’t want to be there anymore. Did I really look that upset? Am I really that messed up about this?
"I… did?" I questioned, and he stopped dead in his tracks to turn me around and grab both my arms.
"Hayley, there is no need to pretend to be fine around me. You loved the guy, and he fucked you up! Don't try and get over it too fast, or you'll just hurt yourself." he said, rubbing my arms.
Fuck, I’m gonna have to tell him, aren’t I?
"Its more than that, Josh… Before we went on tour, we decided… we were gonna get married. Just run off and have a cheesy as fuck elopement. Now I don’t get that." I cried, and he pulled me in. I felt his chin on top of my head, and his hand rubbing the back of my hair. I gripped his jacket as more sobs overcame me.
"If I saw his face right now, I’d throw a brick at him. I want to make him hurt as much as you are now." he whispered in my ear, and I half smiled through my tears.  
"Come on, lets get back to the bus before it gets any colder.” I sighed, pushing myself off his chest. We kept walking, and I shrank back into my own head, trying for the millionth time to answer the question that had been ringing in my head.
“I don’t know why this happened to m-“ I started, before I felt my foot plunge lower than ground level. A pothole, Hayley. Fucking hell.
I let out a little squeak as the rest of my body fell forward, and threw my other leg out so my face didn’t hit the concrete. I hit the ground harder than expected, and my leg jarred. I screamed louder, as I heard Josh yell out my name, doubling back the few steps he had in front of me.
“You dumbass.” He laughed, and I looked up from the ground, hoping to hurt him with my stare. He helped me back up, and the pain in the knee that hit the concrete hard was searing. I whimpered, and fell back down.
"Josh… my knee… I cant move it." I said, looking up at him. I expected him to lift me back up and help me hobble back to the bus. I felt his arms under the crook of my legs and across my back, and then cool air rushing past my face. Then I actually looked, and saw the ground far away.
Josh was carrying me. I huddled my face under his jacket, trying to forget the pain pulsing through my leg. Suddenly, Josh stopped walking.

“Fuck. Hold on Hayley, we’re gonna have to run.” He mumbled.

“Why, whats going on, Josh?” I asked, pulling my head out of his jacket to see a bunch of people with cameras. All along, someone had been taking photos of everything. I wasn’t sure if it was fans, or paparazzi, but all I knew is that none of this had come to light yet, and I sure as hell didn’t want the online storm to start now. My stomach began to boil again. I didn't need this. The van was a good 100 metres away, and I felt Josh’s body tense up as he took his first step.
"MAX! OPEN THE DOOR!" Josh roared, and I winced over how loud it was in my ears
We barreled through the crowd of cameras. Luckily, they all got out of the road before Josh could hit them with my body. The door flicked open as the boys figured out what was going on outside. He kept running till we got to the bus doors, jumping up the internal stairs as fast as possible. Josh, however, tripped over the last stair, and I went flying out of his arms. My body hit the floor, and I let out a little yelp as I began to roll a little bit. I felt another searing pain down my leg, and I swore under my breath. Chris and Matt jumped up from the front lounge to grab me, as Dan and Max walked over to check on Josh.
"Hayley, you ok?"  Matt asked, as Chris helped me up off the floor
"Yeah… I guess. My leg is fucked though.” I mumbled, looking over to the stairs as I heard a groan come from Josh.
"Shit, Josh!" I limped away from Chris, sliding to the floor where he lay, half on the stairs.
"Hay… fine." he smiled weakly, “Just winded myself.” Dan helped him off the floor, and over to his bunk. I limped over, intent on going to bed and sleeping off my leg pain.
"Are you ok, Joshie?" I asked, and he nodded, pulling himself into his bunk.
"That just effing hurt a lot, but don’t worry, I don’t think they got any clear photos, whoever they were.” He chuckled, poking his head back out of the bunk.
"Yeah. Small comforts, hey? Alright, get some sleep, Josh.” I smiled, and climbed into the bunk underneath him.
"Hayley?” I heard him ask. I poked my head back out to look at him.
“Yeah, man?”

“Umm… can you sleep up here tonight? I guess you could use some best friend cuddles after the last few days you’ve had.” He shrugged. I smiled, and clambered up out of my bunk and into his. We both wriggled around till we had covers and were comfortable. The bunk was filled with a comfortable silence as I felt Josh’s arm snake around me, and I felt the calmness of sleep wash over me along with it. Then, a question bubbled up in my half asleep state, and my brain filter couldn’t keep it out and it rushed forth from my lips.
"Josh. Have you ever been in love?" I asked.
"Yeah." he said, quietly.
"Who was it?" I whispered, wriggling around so I could see his face. He cracked open one eye to look at me.
"I'd rather you didn't know." he sighed.  His eyelid drooped back down. Now, I was curious and more awake.
"What did it feel like? To you, anyway?" He lifted both of his eyelids again to look at me.
"When you looked at that person, and all you feel is hope, passion. They’re your best friend, but they are also that something more, as if no matter what happens in life, you will always be there. Their arms around you feel more safe than a bomb shelter. Their breath on the back of your neck at night feels more calming than any summer breeze. Everything feels as it should when you look in their eyes. For a minute, nothing feels wrong.” He smiled, letting his eyes close again. My mind raced as I thought about how long I had known Josh, and how everything around him had felt. A sudden realization came to me as sleep threatened to overtake again. 


There is every possibility that the person Josh Franceschi had been in love with was me.