Want.

I want to cuddle with you under blankets while rain falls and music plays in the background. I want to feel you fingers graze over my skin like they did that one time while Spiderman saved the world and got the girl behind us. My skin still burns with the patterns you traced. You’re a fucking curse in my head and all I want to do is have you hold me. I want to kiss you and I want you to want to kiss me. I want to spend time with you and I want you to want to spend time with me. I want to go out to clubs and dance like we did the first time. I want to drink too much and lose ourselves like the night we first met (except that night I lost you in the crowd and had to wait until i was sober enough to drive myself home because I didn’t know the way to walk). I want to hear you sing like it’s the first time I ever have. I was too drunk to remember the first time. I just want you.

But, I also need you, for all the above reasons and more. I need you because I have not felt human in a long time and you make me feel that. I need you because I have never felt more alive than I did in the moment it was three am and I got a message from you saying you wish you had kissed me those few minutes before. I need you to still want to kiss me now. I need you because I am so desperate and lonely all the time and you are one of the only things who has ever made that feeling go away. I need you to need me.

But for now, I’ll live with the burning pattern your fingers left on my skin. Vague memories of “you need to read this” or “you need to watch that”. A Facebook message saying the one thing I’d been waiting to see my whole life. A few songs that changed my life and stopped me slipping back into a suicidal hole which was almost inevitable. I’ll just wait, with faint hope. Until you’re ready.
I’m here. Please come soon.